Negotiation is not a contract negotiation in the corporate sense. It is a conversation about desire, limits, risk, and care. Use this checklist as a starting point, not a script. The goal is to discover alignment, not to interrogate.

Before you start

• What do we each want out of this scene? (sensation, connection, challenge, relaxation, etc.)
• How well do we know each other? Is this a first scene or a long-standing dynamic?
• What is our experience level with the activities we are planning?
• Are there current injuries, chronic conditions, medications, or mental health factors to know about?
• Have we discussed safer-sex practices, barriers, and any relevant health considerations?

Activities & limits

Be specific. "Rope" can mean a decorative wrist tie or a full suspension. Say what body parts may be tied, what positions are acceptable, and what tools may be used.

• What activities are enthusiastically wanted?
• What activities are acceptable but not the focus?
• What is off-limits today? (hard limits)
• What might be possible with negotiation but not by default? (soft limits)
• Are photos, video, or recording allowed?
• Are marks acceptable? Bruises? Rope marks?

Safety, signals & check-ins

Agree on how the bottom can communicate and how the top will respond. If speech will be restricted, non-verbal signals are essential.

• What is the safeword? A common system is green (keep going), yellow (pause/slow down), red (stop).
• What is the non-verbal signal if gagged, hooded, or non-verbal?
• How often will we check in?
• What medical or physical signals should the top watch for?
• Where are the emergency shears and a charged phone?

Aftercare & logistics

Aftercare needs differ wildly. Some people want cuddles and water; others want quiet and space. Negotiate this before endorphins drop.

• What aftercare does each person need? (touch, warmth, food, water, silence, debrief, alone time)
• Who will clean up rope and the space?
• How will we handle drop, should it arrive later?
• When will we check in after the scene?
• Is there a trusted contact who knows where we are?

Printable summary

Keep it short enough to actually use. Before a scene, run through:

1. Intent: What are we trying to create together?
2. Activities: What is in, out, and conditional?
3. Words & signals: How do we pause and stop?
4. Body & health: What conditions, injuries, or risks exist?
5. Aftercare: What do we each need when the scene ends?

Store the answers in your head, not just in writing. The best negotiations end with both people feeling heard, excited, and safe.